Feeling Stuck
How Counselling can help

Have you ever had the feeling that you’re stuck?

​

You know something isn't quite right, but you can't work out what needs to change. Perhaps you feel like you're going through the motions. You’re getting up, going to work, looking after everyone else and doing all the things you’re supposed to do, but underneath it all there’s a feeling that something is missing. You might feel overwhelmed, anxious or low. You might feel numb or disconnected. Or perhaps you simply have a nagging sense that you don't want to carry on living in quite the same way, but you have no idea what the alternative looks like.

​

Sometimes being stuck isn't about not knowing what to do.

Sometimes it's about not knowing what is keeping you where you are.

This is where psychodynamic counselling can offer something different.

​

What does it mean to feel stuck?

​

Feeling stuck can look different for everyone. You might feel stuck in a relationship, a job or a particular way of living. You might keep finding yourself in the same patterns, even though you know they aren't making you happy.

​

Perhaps you find yourself:

​

Putting everyone else first and struggling to know what you actually want
Saying yes when you really want to say no
Overthinking decisions but still being unable to make them
Feeling responsible for everyone else's feelings
Staying in situations that no longer feel right
Feeling anxious about making changes
Feeling guilty when you think about putting yourself first
Knowing you want something to change but feeling unable to take the first step
Feeling disconnected from yourself or unsure who you really are
Wondering where the person you used to be has gone

Sometimes there is a very obvious reason for feeling stuck.

A relationship may have ended. You may have lost your job. Your children may have grown up and left home. You may be caring for ageing parents. You may be going through perimenopause or menopause. You may have reached a point in your career where you realise it no longer feels like you.

And sometimes there isn't an obvious reason at all.

You simply know that something doesn't feel right anymore.

​

Why can it be so difficult to change?

One of the things I find particularly interesting about psychodynamic counselling is that we don't always behave according to what we consciously want.

You might tell yourself:

"I know I need to leave."

"I know I need to say no."

"I know I shouldn't care so much about what other people think."

"I know I need to put myself first."

And yet you find yourself doing exactly the same thing again.

That doesn't mean you're weak or lacking in motivation. It may be that there are deeper emotional patterns at work.

The way we relate to ourselves and other people is shaped over time. Our early relationships, experiences and the roles we had to take on can influence what feels safe, what feels threatening and what we expect from other people.

Often we aren't consciously aware of these patterns, they can simply feel like “this is just who I am.” Psychodynamic counselling gives us an opportunity to become curious about that.

​

What would a psychodynamic counsellor actually do?

​

If you came to see me because you felt stuck, I wouldn't simply tell you what you should do. I wouldn't expect you to arrive with a clear plan for changing your life either. Instead, we would start by trying to understand what is happening for you.

​

What does feeling stuck actually feel like?

When did you first notice it?

What happens when you imagine doing something differently?

What feelings come up?

What do you fear might happen if you put yourself first?

And perhaps most importantly, what happens between you and other people when you try to be more yourself?

We might begin to notice patterns.

​

Perhaps you have spent years being the dependable one. The person who copes. The one who keeps everyone else going. Maybe being needed has become an important part of how you understand yourself. Perhaps you learned somewhere along the way that your own needs were less important than everybody else's. So when you finally start to think about what you want, it can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

​

You might experience guilt.

Anxiety.

Fear of disappointing people.

Or even a sense that you don't really know what you want at all.

​

Understanding these patterns can be an important part of beginning to feel less stuck.Sometimes the past is still present

 

Psychodynamic counselling is interested in how our past experiences can continue to influence our present lives.

That doesn't mean we spend every session talking about childhood. It means we stay curious about connections.

​

Why does this particular situation affect you so strongly?

Why does saying no feel so difficult?

Why do you keep finding yourself in relationships where you feel responsible for the other person?

Why do you become quiet when you're angry?

Why do you feel guilty when someone is disappointed with you?

Why is it easier to understand everyone else than it is to understand yourself?

These questions can sometimes lead us somewhere important. We may begin to see that what looks like a problem in the present has a much longer history. And once we can understand a pattern, we have more opportunity to do something different.

​

What happens in the counselling relationship matters too

​

One of the things that makes psychodynamic therapy different is that the relationship between counsellor and client can become part of the work. You might notice that you find it difficult to tell me something. Perhaps you worry about what I'll think. Maybe you feel you need to make sure I'm okay. Perhaps you become frustrated with me but don't say anything. Or maybe you find yourself wanting me to tell you what to do. These experiences aren't necessarily distractions from therapy. They can actually help us understand how you experience relationships more generally.

We can slow them down and think about them together. This can feel very different from simply being given advice.

The aim isn't to judge these patterns or force you to change them, it's to understand them. You don't have to know exactly why you're stuck before starting counselling.

​

What can change through psychodynamic counselling?

​

Psychodynamic counselling isn't about turning you into a different person, it's about helping you understand yourself well enough to have more choice. You may begin to notice the patterns that keep you stuck before automatically falling into them. You may become more aware of your needs. You may find it easier to recognise and express feelings that you've previously pushed down. You may become less governed by guilt, fear or the need to keep everybody else happy. You may begin to understand your relationships differently. And perhaps most importantly, you may start to feel more connected to yourself - Not the version of you that everyone else needs you to be.

​

Psychodynamic counselling in Leicester, Melton Mowbray and online

​

I'm Deb, a qualified psychodynamic counsellor and registered member of the BACP. I offer counselling for adults in Leicester, Melton Mowbray and online across the UK.

I work with people who are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or disconnected from themselves. This might be connected to anxiety, depression, relationships, burnout, bereavement, perimenopause or menopause, work, life transitions or simply a sense that something needs to change.

​

My approach is warm, non-judgemental and genuine. I work at your pace, while also gently exploring what may be happening underneath the surface.

​

I offer both short-term and longer-term psychodynamic counselling, depending on what you're looking for and what feels right for you.

​

You don't need to have everything worked out before you begin.

Sometimes the first step is simply being able to say:

“I don't know what's wrong. I just know I can't keep going like this.”

​

If that sounds familiar, I'd be happy to talk with you about whether counselling might be helpful.

I offer a free 15-minute phone call if you'd like to find out a little more about how I work before arranging an initial session.