Feeling Overwhelmed? How Counselling can help
Sometimes feeling overwhelmed isn't about having too much to do. It's about feeling like everything is too much.
You might be managing work, family, relationships and all the everyday things that need doing. From the outside, you may look like you're coping perfectly well. But inside, you're exhausted.
Your mind won't switch off. Small things feel bigger than they should. You might feel anxious, irritable or close to tears. You may find yourself thinking, “I just can't deal with one more thing.”
Perhaps you're the person everyone relies on. The one who remembers everything, notices when someone isn't okay, sorts things out and keeps everything moving. You've probably been doing it for years. So why does it suddenly feel like you can't cope?
When coping stops working
Sometimes life really is too demanding. There may simply be too much happening at once. But sometimes overwhelm can be a sign that you've been holding too much for too long.
Perhaps you've become very good at coping. Pushing things down. Putting other people first. Telling yourself you're fine. Until eventually, something gives.
It might show up as anxiety, low mood, exhaustion, poor sleep, anger or feeling numb and disconnected. You may even wonder what's wrong with you.
From a psychodynamic perspective, I'd be interested in what's underneath the overwhelm.
What are you carrying?
What feelings have you had little space for?
What happens if you stop being the person who copes?
Why is it so difficult to put yourself first?
Sometimes the way we respond to life has been shaped over many years. Perhaps you've learned to be the responsible one.
Perhaps you've become the person who keeps the peace or looks after everyone else. Maybe you've learned that your own needs come after everybody else's. These patterns can become so familiar that they no longer feel like patterns. They simply feel like who you are.
So when someone tells you to “set boundaries” or “put yourself first”, you may know intellectually that they're right, but actually doing it can feel incredibly difficult.
You might feel guilty.
Anxious.
Selfish.
Or worried about disappointing people.
Psychodynamic counselling can help you understand why.
What would we actually do in counselling?
If you came to see me because you were feeling overwhelmed, I wouldn't simply give you a list of things to change.We would start with what's happening for you now.
What feels too much?
What happens when you try to slow down?
What do you find yourself thinking about when you can't switch off?
What feelings are hardest to tolerate?
And what happens when somebody else needs something from you?
Over time, we might begin to notice patterns. Perhaps you automatically take responsibility. Perhaps you find asking for help difficult.
Perhaps you feel guilty when you say no. Perhaps you're angry but don't feel able to express it. Or perhaps you've spent so long looking after everyone else that you're not really sure what you need anymore. Understanding these patterns can give you more choice in how you respond to them.
The relationship in the room matters too
Psychodynamic counselling also pays attention to what happens between us.
If you're someone who is used to looking after other people, you might find yourself worrying about taking up too much of my time. You might minimise what's happening. You might say you're fine when you're not.
You might even find yourself looking after me. These things aren't something you would need to get right or hide. We can be curious about them together. The way you relate to me in the counselling room may tell us something about how you experience relationships outside it.
You don't have to wait until you completely fall apart. You don't need to be at breaking point before you seek counselling.
You don't need to have a diagnosis. And you don't need to know exactly why you're feeling overwhelmed.
You can simply know that the way you're living isn't feeling sustainable anymore.
Perhaps you're tired of being the person who holds everything together. Perhaps you're wondering what would happen if you started paying more attention to yourself. Or perhaps you simply need somewhere to put down some of what you've been carrying.
Therapy can provide that space. Not another person telling you what you should be doing. But somewhere to slow down, think, feel and begin to understand yourself differently.
Counselling for feeling overwhelmed in Leicester, Melton Mowbray and online
I'm Deb, a qualified psychodynamic counsellor and registered member of the BACP. I offer counselling in Leicester, Melton Mowbray and online across the UK.
I work with people who are feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious or disconnected from themselves. This can happen during periods of change, relationship difficulties, work pressures, bereavement, midlife, perimenopause and menopause.
My approach is warm, non-judgemental and genuine. I work at your pace, while also being curious about what might be happening underneath the surface.
Sometimes feeling overwhelmed is a sign that you need a break.
And sometimes it's a sign that something inside you needs to be listened to.
You don't have to work that out on your own.